Friday, April 29, 2011

I Fought the Belly Buster, and the Belly Buster Won

I have suffered defeat at the hands of a sandwich.

I think it's only fair to note, however, that the term "sandwich" is in no way entirely accurate; this thing is a monstrosity. A delicious monstrosity. That's out to get you.

Let's backtrack for a moment, though, to the home of said humdinger, Classic Café:


This place has a great vibe, largely due to its themed decor (and tunes to match - I enjoy any dining establishment where I can listen to Johnny Cash):

That's Bev!

The café's menu includes several entrées, a large selection of burgers, sandwiches, wraps and salads, desserts and cookies of the day, soups, chili, milkshakes, flavored soda, a root beer float and a banana split.

Additionally, if you're feeling particularly brave, you can take the Belly Buster Challenge. There's all sorts of glory that comes with polishing the Belly Buster off in the allotted time of 30 minutes:

First, there's appreciation from fellow diners. How do they know you've taken on the challenge, you ask? Because this bell gets rung when the waitstaff brings your plate out, at which time an announcement is made for all to hear.


Second, a specialized shirt proclaiming your feat is bestowed upon you.


And third, Wall o' Fameage.


Up on the screen, I was initially encouraged to see that two nuns had completed the Belly Buster, but then one of the waitstaff told me that the picture was just there for fun, and that in actuality only one other woman has successfully done it. Yikes.

Here's what stands between you and the title:

Don't skimp on the fries, do they?


That's two quarter-pound burgers topped with three fried eggs, four slices of American cheese, six pieces of bacon, BETWEEN two grilled cheese sandwiches, plus the fries and milkshake.

Look, I'm usually a solid eater, but literally about four bites into this thing, I was ready to wave the white flag. It's vicious.

This, believe it or not, actually represents progress.

I think it was around this point that a departing staff member joked, "See you in the morning when you'll still be sitting here."

P.S. The very kind folks who work at the café were all quite willing to lend moral support. Despite my pitiful performance, they assured me that it was not the worst that someone had EVER done, and they also did not lock me in the freezer for not finishing, as was threatened in the announcement to the other diners ;)

That's all, folks.

Taking on the challenge was definitely fun, but I'm looking forward to going back in and trying some of the other, less gargantuan menu offerings!

And as for you, Belly Buster, I can only hope that my supreme failure will inspire others to go in there and do better than I did.


Classic Café, 805 Pennsylvania Avenue, Elmira, NY 14904

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